This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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