I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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