her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Boobs are out for the taking
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
