i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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