the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
