His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
