Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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