The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
