I skipped work to stalk him.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
