You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
whose parrot is this?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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