I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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