I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I believe in your delicious
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
