Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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