i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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