Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
