3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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