im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
