oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
