dude i'm inner monologue high
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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