Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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