A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Randomize
