I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
