he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
