PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
