do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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