I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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