Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
