You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
