im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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