Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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