Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
