where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
