there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
