I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
