My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
