I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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