Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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