whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
