it hurts more in the daytime
Welp...herpes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
