She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I checked into jail on foursquare
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
