the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
