I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was CRYING into my vagina
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
