They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
