I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
