Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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