I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
