she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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