I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
