You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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