Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
