Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
