it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
