found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
