So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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