they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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