How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
