Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
