We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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