FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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