i would punch a child for taco bell
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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