I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
