butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
