one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
