Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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