I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
