It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
