1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
