If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
