we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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