she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
