i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
