Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
