To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
