What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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