You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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