yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
