i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
