ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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