it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
