You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
