Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
