Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
