dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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