I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
